Last night, a couple of my friends were discussing our lives and the topic of gays being committed in relationships came up.
I am curious what you think...
Sure, there are various couples that we know that are gay that have been together for many years, but have they always been faithful to each other? Obviously straight couples deal with commitment too, so maybe this is beyond just the gay community. Or is it?
We talked about how cellphones, websites, and applications that allow us to stay connected with people 24/7 have caused issues of trust and commitment more than ever before.
Who has checked their partners phone to see if they have any text messages from someone who you don't trust? Who has logged into a website or app to see if your partner is online? Technology has a lot of positives but has it caused negatives when it comes to finding and maintaining a healthy long lasting relationship?
In the gay community we have Grindr, for instance, that is an application where you can meet other gay men near you. There is a stigma with gay websites and apps that they are just for hooking up. More often than not, I would agree that that is the case. However, I have met some people online that have turned out to be great friends. There are men that are looking for more than just sex.
I have met men that seem so confident up front with what they really want, but within a matter of days or weeks or maybe even months, you realize that what they initially said doesn't line up with the reality of the situation you are experiencing with them.
Friends. This brings me back to the topic of commitment though. Lots of gays end up just being friends or hating each other after they break up, right? The gay community is small in Kansas City, but even smaller in Manhattan, Kansas or Wichita, Kansas and non-existent in my hometown of Leoti, Kansas even though I know there are gay men and women that live there.
I have tried setting up gay friends with each other or I've even been setup. Maybe there are sparks for a bit, but then they or we decide just to be friends. Why does that happen and happen so often?
How is a gay person suppose to meet a partner that will not only be compatible with but will also have the commitment to be together through the good and the bad? What are our current options? Bars, websites, apps, friends of a friend, churches that are welcoming and accepting, and hobbies like softball or choir. Are these any different than the options for a straight person? Not really. So why is it so hard to find gay couples who are committed to each other and those that are committed, what are your secrets to making your relationship work?
The secret to making it work is remaining committed to making it work and understanding that it won't always be easy. It's easy to move on. It's more challenging to work through difficulties.
ReplyDeleteJon, that is what I am finding in my generation of gay men, that they lack the commitment first to enter a relationship, then second to stay committed to working through it. Many just seem to move on. I don't know if it boils down to a compatibility issue, but I have met some guys who we were mutually attracted to each other and connected really well on many levels initially as far as a spiritual foundation to a relationship. We talk about what I think the top four things are for a long term relationship to last:
ReplyDelete1.Communication
2.Commitment
3.Trust
4.Forgiveness
Is the key to just be patient and eventually I will find that person that won't run away???
I think that all of that is important. I don't see it as a problem for people to date and not work out. That's the main part of dating is to figure out if you're compatible. IIRC, you're fairly young (mid-20s). A lot of guys your age aren't interested in settling down and nesting. Some are, but it might indeed come down to being patient and waiting for the guy who won't run away... but who also is good for you.
ReplyDelete