Vulnerability

One of the most fulfilling things in life, in my opinion, is being vulnerable.  It breeds vulnerability in whoever you are being vulnerable too.

If you love someone, or someone has impacted your life, please tell them now.  Don't wait till tomorrow. You have no idea how just a few words can impact a person's life.

I am so blessed to have the family and friends that I have in my life.  I have an incredible support circle.  My struggles in life are small in comparison to others I know.  I believe it is important to be true to who you are and honest with who you are and most importantly true and honest with your support circle.  You may have no idea how relatable you may be to someone else in your life, if you open up.

I realize there is a time and a place to be open about what is going on in your life.  Maybe it is with a co-worker, best friend, relative, or even a complete stranger who you will talk to.  I know there are times when we are called to be professional and keep our private lives to ourselves. In reality, however, where do you spend most of your time during a week? Most of us could say at work.

Through my almost 26 years of living on this earth, I can say, and my colleagues would agree, that I am probably more open about my life than anyone else they have ever worked with in a professional setting.

Could that get me in trouble? Maybe. I think, however, that it is so important to be real and vulnerable with who you work with, if you trust them.

I have been blessed with people who I work(ed) with at Starbucks and Two West who I deeply care(d) about and who likewise care(d) about me.

I received an e-mail this past Friday from a former colleague.  This person shared things about their life that I had no idea about during the time I worked with this person.  These words below made me cry, in a good way. Please realize how important it is to treat everyone around you with respect and dignity.  A smile and a positive attitude can do wonders.  If your faith is important to you, share it with others in a natural and respectful way.
The following is a portion that was written to me...
"Coming in here day after day and seeing your cheerful smile and bubbly personality helped ease all of my fears. You have endured a lot in your life and your strength and courage was inspiring. It emphasized the fact that everything was really going to be alright, despite how upset I really was. You were an escape for me when I needed it. I am sorry I haven't shared this with you sooner, but I want you to know what a positive impact you have had on my life. You made me happy when I was sad and you shared with me the strength and courage it takes to overcome the worst of situations. So thank you. Thank you for being my friend."
I don't want to go into specifics about why this person was upset.

I will say that I have unfortunately had several friends and acquaintances end their lives for one reason or another.

It is so hard for those who are left behind with unanswered questions to wonder if there was something they could have done differently or we continually ask the question, "Why?"
I have experienced death a lot during my life so far.  I had a classmate and cousin in third grade pass away from a car accident.  It was so difficult for our entire class.  We are approaching the 16th anniversary of her death on April 24th.  I can still picture her in my mind smiling.  I remember vividly the night my mom received the phone call and told me the news.

When my class graduated in 2005 from high school, we had three classmates who had passed away from car accidents.  Needless to say, despite our cliches, we never had an issue coming together as a class.  It was that experience that showed me that no matter who we are or what are past is we can unite in a peaceful manner and bring about positive change.

Many of you know that I struggled with my sexuality and how that fit with my faith.  I have had thoughts of suicide.  I have dealt with depression and anxiety.

Recently, I was diagnosed with bipolar 2.  The difference between 2 and 1 is that I deal with more of the lows than the highs.  Mental health illnesses are not something to be ignored or dismissed.  I could choose to not talk about my mental health, but I believe that me talking about it may help someone who is experiencing similar things feel comfortable to talk to me or someone else.

I digress to say again how important it is to tell those around you what they mean to you and why.

We live in a world that is touch and go and I am a victim myself of trying to do more than I should.  We cram so much into our schedule.  Some of those things may be of high importance and priority. If there are things that are taking up your time from giving yourself time to relax and time to spend with loved ones, please consider cutting some things out of your life.

I am just one person on this planet.  Why should you take the time to read what I have written?  That is up to you to decide, but if you are reading this now, then I believe you could agree with me that it is important to be vulnerable at certain times.

My former colleague was being vulnerable on Friday when that email was written to me.  I am being vulnerable now.  Vulnerability breeds vulnerability...see???

Give it a try!

Example of Unconditional Love

The following was written to me on January 15th by my first cousin, Brecken. Her words were profound to me and I know it would be encouring for others to read what she wrote me. She has given me permission to share this which I am thankful for. A little background on Brecken is that she deals with an auto immune disease, basically each day is unpredictable on how she will feel. She lives in my hometown of Leoti, KS too. Enjoy...and post your comments below...

Hey....just wanted to send you a little note of encouragement and let you know you are not alone!!

Through the process of all the things I have gone through with my health, I am really learning how closely hormones and neurotransmitters interact within our bodies and minds.....and how low or unbalances in these things influence our bodies in major ways!! I believe we are all born with a certain chemical and hormonal make up and, so very much of that make-up, we have to accept as the way God made us (I may always struggle with not being able to handle much stress and tailor my life-style around it and your sexuality will more than likely remain the same for the rest of your life. We were both born and created this way, but I think there is still so much to be said for balancing these things to live the happiest and healthiest lives (and most importantly to accept the things we can not change!!!) So please don't feel bad for needing to take medication, natural supplements and things like that to help you stay happy and healthy!! I have to and I praise God that He is helping doctors to better understand and treat these imbalances!!!!

Also, just as I said....so much peace comes to me when I accept the way that God made me. I can't keep up with the way the world runs......my body was just not made that way and I have to live a more slow and quiet life if I want to stay happy and healthy. And you (and everyone else ...... family and friends) will more than likely need to accept that your make up is what makes you just as you are....and that is how God made you! And just like me, you will have to make life-style choices that best suit your make up.....and some of those things, many people will just never understand because they do not understand what it feels like to live in your body!!!

Your choices are so much broader and more difficult than most will ever have to make (will you marry and make your family with another man.....stay single and accept that you are gay, but not have an intimate relationship....adopt a child and be a parent).....my heart goes out to you as you make these choices for your life, James!....but I know without a doubt God will guide you every single step of the way!!! And, I just want you to know that no matter what choices you make....you ARE accepted and loved!!!! I think the one thing that I hope you know is that no matter what, God does not want you to be used or abused....that hurts anyone and you deserve so much more than that!!!! If you ever feel this way, please back away from any relationship that is making you feel this way and know that God has something so much better for you!! Life IS more difficult for you and the decisions that you have to make (and because of this, you may always be faced with more anxiety for how your decisions will be accepted by others) but you STILL deserve to find joy and happiness....and I know God has this for you!!!

I love you, James and am ALWAYS here for you....if you EVER need to talk (or just write and get your feelings out). I know that there is no way that I can possibly understand exactly what you are going through, because I have not personally experienced it, (and I know there is always such amazing support to talk to others that are going through exactly what you are), but I do understand your heart and your love for Jesus and I will always love and encourage you the very best that I can!!!

Brecken