Friday, May 11, 2012
Can a Gay be Against Gay Marriage? Yes! : Part 1
I know this is a devisive issue, especially for people I know personally.
As someone who legally got married to a man in Iowa, almost two years ago, then separated a few months later, gay marriage hits home to me very personlly.
I never dreamed I would get married and just a few short months later be left with a husband who didn't want to be married to me. It is very difficult for us to get a divorce. We tried to get an annulment since it wasn't legal in Missouri, but it was dismissed due to a similar case as ours, but with two lesbians. We were unaware of their case when we filed for our annulment. They appealed which is expensive, like $10k, but the Missouri Appeals court ruled that Missouri courts do not have jurisdiction to rule on common law or same sex marriages.
Therefore we can't annul our marriage or get a divorce in Missouri. Our options are limited. One of us would have to live in Iowa for a year before we could file or one of us could move to a state where gay marriage is legal and we don't have to wait a whole year to file for divorce.
This whole experience and my libertarianism has changed my opinion of the government being involved in marriage, period, whether heterosexual or homosexual.
Marriage originally was recognized and performed by religious institutions. Our government has used marriage, in my opinion, solely to get more money.
I don't think the government should be involved at all in recognizing or establishing who can get married. The unfortunate thing is that marriage controlled by our government limits rights to homosexuals. The government needs to get out of our personal lives and focus on getting out of debt and protecting our country.
If someone wants to call their relationship a marriage, then they should be able to. If they can't or are not allowed by the government or religious institutions, they should still be able to have every single right that anyone else does in a "marriage."
Our Declaration of Independence is clear as far as the governments role in our lives...
"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."
Let's focus our attention elsewhere, gay community and allies. I understand why we want marriage equality from the government. I do, but as a libertarian, I think our focus should be just getting the government out of our personal lives and let those in our communities face the moral questions instead of bringing the moral aspect of the issue to the government to figure out.
Can a Gay can be Against Gay Marriage? Yes! : Part 2
It has been brought to my attention that I am pushing acceptance of gay marriage and I want to be clear with what I believe.
I merely am sharing posts and opinions of articles from others to educate those that I know with what is being said from various sides of the issue.
I am not pushing anything upon anyone. You have the discression to read or not read what I post. You can have my posts not aptpear on your newsfeed if you desire. I am simply exhibiting my right to free speech. I am not forcing anyone to read what I post.
I do have my own opinions which I have posted and are available to read on my blog at http://James-jaeger.blogspot.com/. This topic of gay marriage is something that I have dealt with personally and I know and understand the positions from all sides. I have heard the arguments and reasons presented for and against gay marriage. I have just as much right to post what I want as much as you have the same right.
As you will see in my blog post, I have come to believe that all marriages, in general, whether heterosexual or homosexual, should not be associated with our government at all. Therefore, even though I did get legally married to a man in Iowa almost two years ago, I would not do it today for my political reasons of what the role of government should be.
Am I a hypocrite? Have I flip-flopped on the issue? You could say yes and I wouldn't necessarily disagree with you. But also as a Christian, I think it is important for us to humbling admit when we have been wrong or hypocritical instead of trying to always give off the image that we are perfect or have everything figured out and therefore are superior to others. Christians who are like that are self righteous and similar to the Pharisees in the Bible that Jesus consistently called out to repent. Am I self righteous sometimes? Yes. Does that discredit my faith? I don't believe so, because I can admit my faults...most of the time. And that, I believe is a more effective evangelism tool, being real, than trying to sound like I am perfect and have everything figured out.
Marriage has long been a part of religious institutions before civil marriages granted by the government came into existence.
As a libertarian, a former republican and never a democrat, I believe in true limited government, personal liberty, and personal responsibility. Since 1913 when our government went away from the gold standard and the Federal Reserve was created privately (no direct connection to our Federal government) over a hundred years ago now, the size of our government has increased at such a face pace. With the increase of the government, new taxes have been created to pay for our outrageously big federal government. One way the government has made money is through granting civil marriages, or marriage licenses. I believe that granting marriage licenses is not the role of the government.
Many people today, whether on the Left or Right, have coebto accept the status quo of our government and continue to increasen it's size and power. We need to take a look back at our history and see how the decisions that started a hundred years ago have affected and brought our government to point of bankruptcy.
I do however believe in civil rights, personal liberty, and personal responsibility. I believe in the hearts of every American, from our settlers to our CEOs of companies today, they believe in those too, whether they admit it publicly or not.
You can quote Bible verses on the topic of homosexuality and believe it is a sin. I can disagree with the literal and contextual translations of those verses and argue that it is not a sin.
We could go back and forth. But what good does that do for me and you? We love each other and hope for the best for each other. We do not wish poor health upon each other. If we argue disrespectfully, we are hurting and possibly ruining our friendship/relationship, right?
Is it possible to agree to disagree and treat people with differing opinions, beliefs, and viewpoints with mutual respect? I believe it is possible, because I experience this almost daily. I have friends and family members who have different religious and political views than myself and yet we still love each other and get along.
I personal don't want gay marriage to be a topic in politics and/or this election. But I realistically know that it is going to be a topic, do do I ignore that? I don't think I can.
I can't sit idly by if there happen to be two men or two women who love each other and have a loving, committed, monogamous relationship and one of them ends up in the hospital and their partner cannot see them? That doesn't seem fair to me. Does it to you?
There are numerous stories of gays who had been together 20-50 years and one passed away and the remaining partner was left with nothing in regards to their deceased partners assets or benefits, or a say in end of life decisions. Does that seem fair to you? It doesn't to me?
Personal choices that someone makes that do not physically harm me is none of my business and certainly not the government's business.
Gays want gay marriage to become legal so they can have the same benefits and rights that every heterosexual married couple has in regards to taxes, and visitation rights at a hospital. They want civil gay marriages just like there are civil heterosexual marriages.
It boils down to a civil rights issue.
With separation of church and state we shouldn't be including all moral issues as a role for the government to be involved in if there is no physically harm caused to anyone.
Moral issues like murder are and should be included in the role of the government because there is physical force and harm caused to another individual.
To close, I want to come back to my point and say that I think both sides are focusing their attention on the wrong issue. The issue should be about mutual respect, and the role of the government in our personal lives whether the issue is homosexuality, marijuana, income tax, and education of our kids.
Thursday, April 5, 2012
My Personality Type - ISFJ
Over the past eighteen months I have become more and more interested in peoples personality types and how they are compatible with me.
You can visit several website to take tests to figure out which type you are:
www.keirsey.com
www.humanmetrics.com
www.personalitypathways.com
Basically there are 16 types of people in this world or 16 different types of personalities. Those 16 types fit into 4 groups, Artisan, Guardian, Rational, Idealist.
I have become curious if there is research available for the gay community on what personality types they are more compatible with or if it is the same compatibility for everyone in general.
I am an ISFJ (Introverted, Sensing, Feeling, Judging). That fit under the Guardian umbrella. ISFJ is known as Protector.
Below is a description of who I am and how my love and relationships will be like. It is pretty spot on with it's description. Supposedly I should be most compatible with about for personalities (ISFJ/ESFJ or ISTP/ESTP) however some researchers have different opinions on compatibility so I could possibly be compatible with (ISTJ, ENFJ and ESTJ).
Great, so instead of 4 possibly personality types I have seven to choose from. Seems kind of complicated. I don't have the time or will power to go on dates with someone who is each one of those personalities. I can say recently I met three guys that I probably would have had a great connection with for the long-term and they were all ESFJ. I tend to be about 49% extrovert and 51% introvert. The guy I dated for about 3 weeks was amazing. I felt like we understood each other better than anyone else I had ever dated, but then it ended. I ended it.
There seemed to be a sudden lack of interest in me. Was it because of my looks or my personality or something completely different. Who really knows, right? Anyway, I'm moving on, but with that I am still interested in the next person's personality who I talk to.
I would love to hear from my friends on what their personality types are and see why maybe we get along the way we do. I would love to hear what personality types my friends that are currently dating are, for my own research to see if it proves true that you are dating someone that you are supposedly suppose to be compatible with.
Love and Relationships
In love, you seek a life partner who will accept and appreciate your gift for nurturing. As you search for this special person, dates and mates alike will receive the benefit of your attention to the nuances of day-to-day living.
Making delicious meals, planning special occasions, and giving great back rubs may be just a few of your wonderful talents. At times you take such wonderful care of your dates and mates that you may forget to take care of yourself. You look for a mate with whom to make a safe and comfortable home. For a romantic partner, you may look for people who are somewhat different than you. As a result, types who are self-possessed and less sensitive than you are can be very attractive to you. Chances are you admire the way this kind of person is able to make their way through life without worrying about what others think. During the early stages of relationships, these differences are likely to be especially endearing and fun.
About James Jaeger
You may have felt dating was not an arena you were successful in since it seems to require less reserve and more pizazz. You may also have been very nervous, worrying what the other person would think of you. When dating you might have been more likely to spend time evaluating your date's potential in a long-term relationship than you were to simply enjoy the event.
One difficulty you may have had in a relationship is in getting the same kind of loyalty from your mate that you give. You will give and give to your partner. When taking care of your loved ones, almost no sacrifice is too much. If your partner does not regularly express appreciation, you are likely to complain about how much work you have to do and how no one helps.
In the same way, one aspect about you that may cause your partner problems is that they may have no clue about how you are feeling and what is really important to you. You run from conflict. You need to remember that your mate is not a mind reader. What seems obvious to you isn't to them. It is important that you learn to clearly verbalize what you want before you start complaining or become resentful.
You are generally a very loyal mate. You do so much for your partner and other family members that they may sometimes take your support of them for granted. You are unlikely to forget anniversaries and birthdays and will also remember many lesser events. Consistency in marking milestones is one of your hallmarks.
You can visit several website to take tests to figure out which type you are:
www.keirsey.com
www.humanmetrics.com
www.personalitypathways.com
Basically there are 16 types of people in this world or 16 different types of personalities. Those 16 types fit into 4 groups, Artisan, Guardian, Rational, Idealist.
I have become curious if there is research available for the gay community on what personality types they are more compatible with or if it is the same compatibility for everyone in general.
I am an ISFJ (Introverted, Sensing, Feeling, Judging). That fit under the Guardian umbrella. ISFJ is known as Protector.
Below is a description of who I am and how my love and relationships will be like. It is pretty spot on with it's description. Supposedly I should be most compatible with about for personalities (ISFJ/ESFJ or ISTP/ESTP) however some researchers have different opinions on compatibility so I could possibly be compatible with (ISTJ, ENFJ and ESTJ).
Great, so instead of 4 possibly personality types I have seven to choose from. Seems kind of complicated. I don't have the time or will power to go on dates with someone who is each one of those personalities. I can say recently I met three guys that I probably would have had a great connection with for the long-term and they were all ESFJ. I tend to be about 49% extrovert and 51% introvert. The guy I dated for about 3 weeks was amazing. I felt like we understood each other better than anyone else I had ever dated, but then it ended. I ended it.
There seemed to be a sudden lack of interest in me. Was it because of my looks or my personality or something completely different. Who really knows, right? Anyway, I'm moving on, but with that I am still interested in the next person's personality who I talk to.
I would love to hear from my friends on what their personality types are and see why maybe we get along the way we do. I would love to hear what personality types my friends that are currently dating are, for my own research to see if it proves true that you are dating someone that you are supposedly suppose to be compatible with.
Love and Relationships
In love, you seek a life partner who will accept and appreciate your gift for nurturing. As you search for this special person, dates and mates alike will receive the benefit of your attention to the nuances of day-to-day living.
Making delicious meals, planning special occasions, and giving great back rubs may be just a few of your wonderful talents. At times you take such wonderful care of your dates and mates that you may forget to take care of yourself. You look for a mate with whom to make a safe and comfortable home. For a romantic partner, you may look for people who are somewhat different than you. As a result, types who are self-possessed and less sensitive than you are can be very attractive to you. Chances are you admire the way this kind of person is able to make their way through life without worrying about what others think. During the early stages of relationships, these differences are likely to be especially endearing and fun.
About James Jaeger
You may have felt dating was not an arena you were successful in since it seems to require less reserve and more pizazz. You may also have been very nervous, worrying what the other person would think of you. When dating you might have been more likely to spend time evaluating your date's potential in a long-term relationship than you were to simply enjoy the event.
One difficulty you may have had in a relationship is in getting the same kind of loyalty from your mate that you give. You will give and give to your partner. When taking care of your loved ones, almost no sacrifice is too much. If your partner does not regularly express appreciation, you are likely to complain about how much work you have to do and how no one helps.
In the same way, one aspect about you that may cause your partner problems is that they may have no clue about how you are feeling and what is really important to you. You run from conflict. You need to remember that your mate is not a mind reader. What seems obvious to you isn't to them. It is important that you learn to clearly verbalize what you want before you start complaining or become resentful.
You are generally a very loyal mate. You do so much for your partner and other family members that they may sometimes take your support of them for granted. You are unlikely to forget anniversaries and birthdays and will also remember many lesser events. Consistency in marking milestones is one of your hallmarks.
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Let's Just Be Friends...
This is a hypothetical, yet realistic, texting conversation I have had more than once with guys I have liked over the past 18 months.
The situations may be somewhat different but from the conversation below you will see that ultimately they all end up with the same result..."Let's just be friends."
I will call the other person Bob.
I would like to know if you have experienced a similar experience with dating. If you have a reason why you think I end up having this same type of conversation with guys, let me know too. Is it something about me?
I believe the top four things, in addition to have a similar spiritual foundation, for a long-lasting healthy relationship are:
1. Communication
2. Commitment
3. Trust
4. Forgiveness
Do you agree with me?
Conversations go something like this after we've hung out for a few weeks...
Bob: Your wisdom is far past the years you are. I really am happy you are in my life and can share your knowledge with me.
Me: You are sweet! I am just me. I think you are an amazing guy. They say patience is a virtue, right? Well, if there is to be something more beyond friends at some point with us, I would be ecstatic. I will also be content and happy being your friend. I just need to know where you stand.
I feel like I have a lot to offer someone in a relationship, whenever that happens. I am a loyal, caring, trusting person. I am glad you are in my life too.
You are more intelligent than you may realize.
My friends really like you too.
I am looking for a partner who will challenge me to intellectually, spiritually, and physically. I want to do a lot of good in this world while I am here whether it is on a small scale or a large. I also want to be able to challenge my partner. I want us to both work together to continue to reach our best and support each other.
Bob: I understand where you are at.
This is what I know. I'm at a point in my life where I am looking for the right person for life not the right person for now. You are the right person for me now, but not life.
Your personality is amazing! You are a great friend! I just don't see us as a couple for the long term... I need more good friends in my life. I hope that's what we can be for one another...
Me: Fair enough. I was going to say that I feel like when you first said, "Your wisdom is far past the years you are. I really am happy you are in my life and can share your knowledge with me," is something you would say to someone right before you break up with them.
I understand where you are at in life.
You keep avoiding saying you find me attractive, even though you obviously were at the beginning when we first met, so I am guessing that that is the factor that you don't see us being together for the long term.
I have some great friends in my life that have been more like family. I want to be friends if that is what you want.
You have to understand that a friendship is still like any relationship... I can't just give support and give support or whatever to you and receive nothing in return. That isn't a good friendship or a healthy one that will last.
I think your friendships are a reflection of what type of person you will be in a relationship. Basically what I am saying is you have to participate in our friendship and initiate hanging out and stuff. If I am the only one checking in to see how you are and if you want to hang out, our friendship will fizzle quicker than you realize. I don't want to be used as a friend just like I don't want to be used in a romantic relationship.
Bob: James, I don't have many friends in this city...
I understand. I need to be a better friend. You are right! I thank you for being there for me. I'll do better.
Me: I am sorry you don't have many friends here. I would love to be friends.
You have to realize I am vulnerable with my friends, especially my closest friends. We have a no judgement policy that just is there. It's nothing we talked about and established. It is just there.
They tell me straight up when I am doing something stupid and tell me when I did something great. It is rare to find friends who can consistently be that loyal for an extended length of time.
We are all selfish as humans, however. At the end of the day we care about ourselves. We couldn't care less about what happens in someone elses life than our own. We have to step outside of our comfort zone to be a consistent and non judgemental friend that no matter what happens we will be there for each other.
Sometimes that means we will disagree and maybe hurt each other, but that is where forgiveness comes into effect...just like a romantic relationship.
I want you to be a better friend and I know you are capable of being one.
Bob: I am capable of being a better friend. I understand. That's what I need. You're a great guy and I know who you're looking for... I'm not him...
Me: I love stimulating conversation as you have probably noticed.
Bob: Yes, you do. I know that (wink).
Me: I will be the first to admit I am not perfect. I don't have everything figured out. I am learning about life just like everyone else.
Bob: Of course, I am too.
Me: But like you noticed, I believe I have been blessed with an ability to have wisdom that I don't understand why I have, other than I feel like I am being prepared for something that I can't even envision at this time.
Bob: Exactly!
Me: You deserve someone great though and I believe you will find that person. You will not be alone whether it means you are single for a while and have fun with good friends or you meet someone soon.
Bob: Thanks man! You ARE a GREAT guy!
End of conversation...
The situations may be somewhat different but from the conversation below you will see that ultimately they all end up with the same result..."Let's just be friends."
I will call the other person Bob.
I would like to know if you have experienced a similar experience with dating. If you have a reason why you think I end up having this same type of conversation with guys, let me know too. Is it something about me?
I believe the top four things, in addition to have a similar spiritual foundation, for a long-lasting healthy relationship are:
1. Communication
2. Commitment
3. Trust
4. Forgiveness
Do you agree with me?
Conversations go something like this after we've hung out for a few weeks...
Bob: Your wisdom is far past the years you are. I really am happy you are in my life and can share your knowledge with me.
Me: You are sweet! I am just me. I think you are an amazing guy. They say patience is a virtue, right? Well, if there is to be something more beyond friends at some point with us, I would be ecstatic. I will also be content and happy being your friend. I just need to know where you stand.
I feel like I have a lot to offer someone in a relationship, whenever that happens. I am a loyal, caring, trusting person. I am glad you are in my life too.
You are more intelligent than you may realize.
My friends really like you too.
I am looking for a partner who will challenge me to intellectually, spiritually, and physically. I want to do a lot of good in this world while I am here whether it is on a small scale or a large. I also want to be able to challenge my partner. I want us to both work together to continue to reach our best and support each other.
Bob: I understand where you are at.
This is what I know. I'm at a point in my life where I am looking for the right person for life not the right person for now. You are the right person for me now, but not life.
Your personality is amazing! You are a great friend! I just don't see us as a couple for the long term... I need more good friends in my life. I hope that's what we can be for one another...
Me: Fair enough. I was going to say that I feel like when you first said, "Your wisdom is far past the years you are. I really am happy you are in my life and can share your knowledge with me," is something you would say to someone right before you break up with them.
I understand where you are at in life.
You keep avoiding saying you find me attractive, even though you obviously were at the beginning when we first met, so I am guessing that that is the factor that you don't see us being together for the long term.
I have some great friends in my life that have been more like family. I want to be friends if that is what you want.
You have to understand that a friendship is still like any relationship... I can't just give support and give support or whatever to you and receive nothing in return. That isn't a good friendship or a healthy one that will last.
I think your friendships are a reflection of what type of person you will be in a relationship. Basically what I am saying is you have to participate in our friendship and initiate hanging out and stuff. If I am the only one checking in to see how you are and if you want to hang out, our friendship will fizzle quicker than you realize. I don't want to be used as a friend just like I don't want to be used in a romantic relationship.
Bob: James, I don't have many friends in this city...
I understand. I need to be a better friend. You are right! I thank you for being there for me. I'll do better.
Me: I am sorry you don't have many friends here. I would love to be friends.
You have to realize I am vulnerable with my friends, especially my closest friends. We have a no judgement policy that just is there. It's nothing we talked about and established. It is just there.
They tell me straight up when I am doing something stupid and tell me when I did something great. It is rare to find friends who can consistently be that loyal for an extended length of time.
We are all selfish as humans, however. At the end of the day we care about ourselves. We couldn't care less about what happens in someone elses life than our own. We have to step outside of our comfort zone to be a consistent and non judgemental friend that no matter what happens we will be there for each other.
Sometimes that means we will disagree and maybe hurt each other, but that is where forgiveness comes into effect...just like a romantic relationship.
I want you to be a better friend and I know you are capable of being one.
Bob: I am capable of being a better friend. I understand. That's what I need. You're a great guy and I know who you're looking for... I'm not him...
Me: I love stimulating conversation as you have probably noticed.
Bob: Yes, you do. I know that (wink).
Me: I will be the first to admit I am not perfect. I don't have everything figured out. I am learning about life just like everyone else.
Bob: Of course, I am too.
Me: But like you noticed, I believe I have been blessed with an ability to have wisdom that I don't understand why I have, other than I feel like I am being prepared for something that I can't even envision at this time.
Bob: Exactly!
Me: You deserve someone great though and I believe you will find that person. You will not be alone whether it means you are single for a while and have fun with good friends or you meet someone soon.
Bob: Thanks man! You ARE a GREAT guy!
End of conversation...
Commitment in the Gay Community
Last night, a couple of my friends were discussing our lives and the topic of gays being committed in relationships came up.
I am curious what you think...
Sure, there are various couples that we know that are gay that have been together for many years, but have they always been faithful to each other? Obviously straight couples deal with commitment too, so maybe this is beyond just the gay community. Or is it?
We talked about how cellphones, websites, and applications that allow us to stay connected with people 24/7 have caused issues of trust and commitment more than ever before.
Who has checked their partners phone to see if they have any text messages from someone who you don't trust? Who has logged into a website or app to see if your partner is online? Technology has a lot of positives but has it caused negatives when it comes to finding and maintaining a healthy long lasting relationship?
In the gay community we have Grindr, for instance, that is an application where you can meet other gay men near you. There is a stigma with gay websites and apps that they are just for hooking up. More often than not, I would agree that that is the case. However, I have met some people online that have turned out to be great friends. There are men that are looking for more than just sex.
I have met men that seem so confident up front with what they really want, but within a matter of days or weeks or maybe even months, you realize that what they initially said doesn't line up with the reality of the situation you are experiencing with them.
Friends. This brings me back to the topic of commitment though. Lots of gays end up just being friends or hating each other after they break up, right? The gay community is small in Kansas City, but even smaller in Manhattan, Kansas or Wichita, Kansas and non-existent in my hometown of Leoti, Kansas even though I know there are gay men and women that live there.
I have tried setting up gay friends with each other or I've even been setup. Maybe there are sparks for a bit, but then they or we decide just to be friends. Why does that happen and happen so often?
How is a gay person suppose to meet a partner that will not only be compatible with but will also have the commitment to be together through the good and the bad? What are our current options? Bars, websites, apps, friends of a friend, churches that are welcoming and accepting, and hobbies like softball or choir. Are these any different than the options for a straight person? Not really. So why is it so hard to find gay couples who are committed to each other and those that are committed, what are your secrets to making your relationship work?
I am curious what you think...
Sure, there are various couples that we know that are gay that have been together for many years, but have they always been faithful to each other? Obviously straight couples deal with commitment too, so maybe this is beyond just the gay community. Or is it?
We talked about how cellphones, websites, and applications that allow us to stay connected with people 24/7 have caused issues of trust and commitment more than ever before.
Who has checked their partners phone to see if they have any text messages from someone who you don't trust? Who has logged into a website or app to see if your partner is online? Technology has a lot of positives but has it caused negatives when it comes to finding and maintaining a healthy long lasting relationship?
In the gay community we have Grindr, for instance, that is an application where you can meet other gay men near you. There is a stigma with gay websites and apps that they are just for hooking up. More often than not, I would agree that that is the case. However, I have met some people online that have turned out to be great friends. There are men that are looking for more than just sex.
I have met men that seem so confident up front with what they really want, but within a matter of days or weeks or maybe even months, you realize that what they initially said doesn't line up with the reality of the situation you are experiencing with them.
Friends. This brings me back to the topic of commitment though. Lots of gays end up just being friends or hating each other after they break up, right? The gay community is small in Kansas City, but even smaller in Manhattan, Kansas or Wichita, Kansas and non-existent in my hometown of Leoti, Kansas even though I know there are gay men and women that live there.
I have tried setting up gay friends with each other or I've even been setup. Maybe there are sparks for a bit, but then they or we decide just to be friends. Why does that happen and happen so often?
How is a gay person suppose to meet a partner that will not only be compatible with but will also have the commitment to be together through the good and the bad? What are our current options? Bars, websites, apps, friends of a friend, churches that are welcoming and accepting, and hobbies like softball or choir. Are these any different than the options for a straight person? Not really. So why is it so hard to find gay couples who are committed to each other and those that are committed, what are your secrets to making your relationship work?
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Vulnerability
One of the most fulfilling things in life, in my opinion, is being vulnerable. It breeds vulnerability in whoever you are being vulnerable too.
If you love someone, or someone has impacted your life, please tell them now. Don't wait till tomorrow. You have no idea how just a few words can impact a person's life.
I am so blessed to have the family and friends that I have in my life. I have an incredible support circle. My struggles in life are small in comparison to others I know. I believe it is important to be true to who you are and honest with who you are and most importantly true and honest with your support circle. You may have no idea how relatable you may be to someone else in your life, if you open up.
I realize there is a time and a place to be open about what is going on in your life. Maybe it is with a co-worker, best friend, relative, or even a complete stranger who you will talk to. I know there are times when we are called to be professional and keep our private lives to ourselves. In reality, however, where do you spend most of your time during a week? Most of us could say at work.
Through my almost 26 years of living on this earth, I can say, and my colleagues would agree, that I am probably more open about my life than anyone else they have ever worked with in a professional setting.
Could that get me in trouble? Maybe. I think, however, that it is so important to be real and vulnerable with who you work with, if you trust them.
I have been blessed with people who I work(ed) with at Starbucks and Two West who I deeply care(d) about and who likewise care(d) about me.
I received an e-mail this past Friday from a former colleague. This person shared things about their life that I had no idea about during the time I worked with this person. These words below made me cry, in a good way. Please realize how important it is to treat everyone around you with respect and dignity. A smile and a positive attitude can do wonders. If your faith is important to you, share it with others in a natural and respectful way.
The following is a portion that was written to me...
"Coming in here day after day and seeing your cheerful smile and bubbly personality helped ease all of my fears. You have endured a lot in your life and your strength and courage was inspiring. It emphasized the fact that everything was really going to be alright, despite how upset I really was. You were an escape for me when I needed it. I am sorry I haven't shared this with you sooner, but I want you to know what a positive impact you have had on my life. You made me happy when I was sad and you shared with me the strength and courage it takes to overcome the worst of situations. So thank you. Thank you for being my friend."
I don't want to go into specifics about why this person was upset.
I will say that I have unfortunately had several friends and acquaintances end their lives for one reason or another.
It is so hard for those who are left behind with unanswered questions to wonder if there was something they could have done differently or we continually ask the question, "Why?"
I have experienced death a lot during my life so far. I had a classmate and cousin in third grade pass away from a car accident. It was so difficult for our entire class. We are approaching the 16th anniversary of her death on April 24th. I can still picture her in my mind smiling. I remember vividly the night my mom received the phone call and told me the news.
When my class graduated in 2005 from high school, we had three classmates who had passed away from car accidents. Needless to say, despite our cliches, we never had an issue coming together as a class. It was that experience that showed me that no matter who we are or what are past is we can unite in a peaceful manner and bring about positive change.
Many of you know that I struggled with my sexuality and how that fit with my faith. I have had thoughts of suicide. I have dealt with depression and anxiety.
Recently, I was diagnosed with bipolar 2. The difference between 2 and 1 is that I deal with more of the lows than the highs. Mental health illnesses are not something to be ignored or dismissed. I could choose to not talk about my mental health, but I believe that me talking about it may help someone who is experiencing similar things feel comfortable to talk to me or someone else.
I digress to say again how important it is to tell those around you what they mean to you and why.
We live in a world that is touch and go and I am a victim myself of trying to do more than I should. We cram so much into our schedule. Some of those things may be of high importance and priority. If there are things that are taking up your time from giving yourself time to relax and time to spend with loved ones, please consider cutting some things out of your life.
I am just one person on this planet. Why should you take the time to read what I have written? That is up to you to decide, but if you are reading this now, then I believe you could agree with me that it is important to be vulnerable at certain times.
My former colleague was being vulnerable on Friday when that email was written to me. I am being vulnerable now. Vulnerability breeds vulnerability...see???
Give it a try!
If you love someone, or someone has impacted your life, please tell them now. Don't wait till tomorrow. You have no idea how just a few words can impact a person's life.
I am so blessed to have the family and friends that I have in my life. I have an incredible support circle. My struggles in life are small in comparison to others I know. I believe it is important to be true to who you are and honest with who you are and most importantly true and honest with your support circle. You may have no idea how relatable you may be to someone else in your life, if you open up.
I realize there is a time and a place to be open about what is going on in your life. Maybe it is with a co-worker, best friend, relative, or even a complete stranger who you will talk to. I know there are times when we are called to be professional and keep our private lives to ourselves. In reality, however, where do you spend most of your time during a week? Most of us could say at work.
Through my almost 26 years of living on this earth, I can say, and my colleagues would agree, that I am probably more open about my life than anyone else they have ever worked with in a professional setting.
Could that get me in trouble? Maybe. I think, however, that it is so important to be real and vulnerable with who you work with, if you trust them.
I have been blessed with people who I work(ed) with at Starbucks and Two West who I deeply care(d) about and who likewise care(d) about me.
I received an e-mail this past Friday from a former colleague. This person shared things about their life that I had no idea about during the time I worked with this person. These words below made me cry, in a good way. Please realize how important it is to treat everyone around you with respect and dignity. A smile and a positive attitude can do wonders. If your faith is important to you, share it with others in a natural and respectful way.
The following is a portion that was written to me...
"Coming in here day after day and seeing your cheerful smile and bubbly personality helped ease all of my fears. You have endured a lot in your life and your strength and courage was inspiring. It emphasized the fact that everything was really going to be alright, despite how upset I really was. You were an escape for me when I needed it. I am sorry I haven't shared this with you sooner, but I want you to know what a positive impact you have had on my life. You made me happy when I was sad and you shared with me the strength and courage it takes to overcome the worst of situations. So thank you. Thank you for being my friend."
I don't want to go into specifics about why this person was upset.
I will say that I have unfortunately had several friends and acquaintances end their lives for one reason or another.
It is so hard for those who are left behind with unanswered questions to wonder if there was something they could have done differently or we continually ask the question, "Why?"
I have experienced death a lot during my life so far. I had a classmate and cousin in third grade pass away from a car accident. It was so difficult for our entire class. We are approaching the 16th anniversary of her death on April 24th. I can still picture her in my mind smiling. I remember vividly the night my mom received the phone call and told me the news.
When my class graduated in 2005 from high school, we had three classmates who had passed away from car accidents. Needless to say, despite our cliches, we never had an issue coming together as a class. It was that experience that showed me that no matter who we are or what are past is we can unite in a peaceful manner and bring about positive change.
Many of you know that I struggled with my sexuality and how that fit with my faith. I have had thoughts of suicide. I have dealt with depression and anxiety.
Recently, I was diagnosed with bipolar 2. The difference between 2 and 1 is that I deal with more of the lows than the highs. Mental health illnesses are not something to be ignored or dismissed. I could choose to not talk about my mental health, but I believe that me talking about it may help someone who is experiencing similar things feel comfortable to talk to me or someone else.
I digress to say again how important it is to tell those around you what they mean to you and why.
We live in a world that is touch and go and I am a victim myself of trying to do more than I should. We cram so much into our schedule. Some of those things may be of high importance and priority. If there are things that are taking up your time from giving yourself time to relax and time to spend with loved ones, please consider cutting some things out of your life.
I am just one person on this planet. Why should you take the time to read what I have written? That is up to you to decide, but if you are reading this now, then I believe you could agree with me that it is important to be vulnerable at certain times.
My former colleague was being vulnerable on Friday when that email was written to me. I am being vulnerable now. Vulnerability breeds vulnerability...see???
Give it a try!
Friday, March 9, 2012
Example of Unconditional Love
The following was written to me on January 15th by my first cousin, Brecken. Her words were profound to me and I know it would be encouring for others to read what she wrote me. She has given me permission to share this which I am thankful for. A little background on Brecken is that she deals with an auto immune disease, basically each day is unpredictable on how she will feel. She lives in my hometown of Leoti, KS too. Enjoy...and post your comments below...
Hey....just wanted to send you a little note of encouragement and let you know you are not alone!!
Through the process of all the things I have gone through with my health, I am really learning how closely hormones and neurotransmitters interact within our bodies and minds.....and how low or unbalances in these things influence our bodies in major ways!! I believe we are all born with a certain chemical and hormonal make up and, so very much of that make-up, we have to accept as the way God made us (I may always struggle with not being able to handle much stress and tailor my life-style around it and your sexuality will more than likely remain the same for the rest of your life. We were both born and created this way, but I think there is still so much to be said for balancing these things to live the happiest and healthiest lives (and most importantly to accept the things we can not change!!!) So please don't feel bad for needing to take medication, natural supplements and things like that to help you stay happy and healthy!! I have to and I praise God that He is helping doctors to better understand and treat these imbalances!!!!
Also, just as I said....so much peace comes to me when I accept the way that God made me. I can't keep up with the way the world runs......my body was just not made that way and I have to live a more slow and quiet life if I want to stay happy and healthy. And you (and everyone else ...... family and friends) will more than likely need to accept that your make up is what makes you just as you are....and that is how God made you! And just like me, you will have to make life-style choices that best suit your make up.....and some of those things, many people will just never understand because they do not understand what it feels like to live in your body!!!
Your choices are so much broader and more difficult than most will ever have to make (will you marry and make your family with another man.....stay single and accept that you are gay, but not have an intimate relationship....adopt a child and be a parent).....my heart goes out to you as you make these choices for your life, James!....but I know without a doubt God will guide you every single step of the way!!! And, I just want you to know that no matter what choices you make....you ARE accepted and loved!!!! I think the one thing that I hope you know is that no matter what, God does not want you to be used or abused....that hurts anyone and you deserve so much more than that!!!! If you ever feel this way, please back away from any relationship that is making you feel this way and know that God has something so much better for you!! Life IS more difficult for you and the decisions that you have to make (and because of this, you may always be faced with more anxiety for how your decisions will be accepted by others) but you STILL deserve to find joy and happiness....and I know God has this for you!!!
I love you, James and am ALWAYS here for you....if you EVER need to talk (or just write and get your feelings out). I know that there is no way that I can possibly understand exactly what you are going through, because I have not personally experienced it, (and I know there is always such amazing support to talk to others that are going through exactly what you are), but I do understand your heart and your love for Jesus and I will always love and encourage you the very best that I can!!!
Brecken
Hey....just wanted to send you a little note of encouragement and let you know you are not alone!!
Through the process of all the things I have gone through with my health, I am really learning how closely hormones and neurotransmitters interact within our bodies and minds.....and how low or unbalances in these things influence our bodies in major ways!! I believe we are all born with a certain chemical and hormonal make up and, so very much of that make-up, we have to accept as the way God made us (I may always struggle with not being able to handle much stress and tailor my life-style around it and your sexuality will more than likely remain the same for the rest of your life. We were both born and created this way, but I think there is still so much to be said for balancing these things to live the happiest and healthiest lives (and most importantly to accept the things we can not change!!!) So please don't feel bad for needing to take medication, natural supplements and things like that to help you stay happy and healthy!! I have to and I praise God that He is helping doctors to better understand and treat these imbalances!!!!
Also, just as I said....so much peace comes to me when I accept the way that God made me. I can't keep up with the way the world runs......my body was just not made that way and I have to live a more slow and quiet life if I want to stay happy and healthy. And you (and everyone else ...... family and friends) will more than likely need to accept that your make up is what makes you just as you are....and that is how God made you! And just like me, you will have to make life-style choices that best suit your make up.....and some of those things, many people will just never understand because they do not understand what it feels like to live in your body!!!
Your choices are so much broader and more difficult than most will ever have to make (will you marry and make your family with another man.....stay single and accept that you are gay, but not have an intimate relationship....adopt a child and be a parent).....my heart goes out to you as you make these choices for your life, James!....but I know without a doubt God will guide you every single step of the way!!! And, I just want you to know that no matter what choices you make....you ARE accepted and loved!!!! I think the one thing that I hope you know is that no matter what, God does not want you to be used or abused....that hurts anyone and you deserve so much more than that!!!! If you ever feel this way, please back away from any relationship that is making you feel this way and know that God has something so much better for you!! Life IS more difficult for you and the decisions that you have to make (and because of this, you may always be faced with more anxiety for how your decisions will be accepted by others) but you STILL deserve to find joy and happiness....and I know God has this for you!!!
I love you, James and am ALWAYS here for you....if you EVER need to talk (or just write and get your feelings out). I know that there is no way that I can possibly understand exactly what you are going through, because I have not personally experienced it, (and I know there is always such amazing support to talk to others that are going through exactly what you are), but I do understand your heart and your love for Jesus and I will always love and encourage you the very best that I can!!!
Brecken
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